Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
