We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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