They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
