If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
