If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
