i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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