OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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