it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
