What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
