I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dignity is for republicans.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize