My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
