Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
