Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
