Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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