HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
