That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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