Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize