Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
