i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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