what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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