And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
