How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
