Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
