You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
