Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
