He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
