So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
