the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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