after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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