I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
