Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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