You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
