I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
