May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
