I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
