It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
