I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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