I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
