so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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