You're my little dorito
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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