oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Randomize
