Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize