i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
