His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
