And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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