you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
