I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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