i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
