I want to have your abortion
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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