I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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