Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
