i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
