Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
