i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
