I just made out with a guy for $7.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
