phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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