Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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