I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
