we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
